Archive for the ‘fear of success’ Category

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Why Was I Powerless for So Long?

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

When you answer this question, it will be much easier for you to forgive yourself for the past, as mentioned in previous posts.

What do you stand to gain from pretending to be so powerless?

For a lot of us, there are actual, real benefits of our not-so-successful realities.  By rejecting our own power, we get to avoid taking action and putting energy into anything significant.  When I was rejecting my power, I was able to avoid the “hassle” of starting a business, and all the work that came along with it.  It was so much easier to go to my job every day.

Maybe we get to “punish” someone who might be counting on us to be successful, such as parents or spouses.  For me, it was my parents.  They’ve always known, and told me, that I can achieve anything I want.  For a while, I sure showed them!

Maybe there are some emotions that we conveniently get to hold inside, instead of going through the pain of releasing them.  I was angry at myself for not “making it” as an actor while I was living in Los Angeles.

Maybe we get to use our self-pity to manipulate ourselves and others.  It was no secret to everyone around me that I was feeling sorry for myself.

Maybe we feel safe from losing what we have now when we become successful, such as our friends, family, and comfortable routines.

Maybe there’s some extraordinary, awesome thing that we’re holding out for, like the perfect job, perfect relationship, or some other perfect opportunity.  Why settle for less when this perfect thing is sure to come?  I, of course, was holding out for my sure-to-come movie star status.

Once you identify and release these fears, you’re free to forgive yourself and move toward a successful life.

-Kevin

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Reclaim Your Power, Part 2

Wednesday, October 15th, 2008

I want to touch on another thing that relates to the last post, “Reclaim Your Power.” There’s something else that happens when you start to enjoy a certain level of success, and you notice that you could have done it all along.  You realize that you caused plenty of suffering for yourself and those around you by refusing to change.

This was definitely prevalent in my situation.  Before I made the conscious decision to make a change in my life, I was a pretty miserable person to be around, not to mention the miserable thoughts I had about myself.  My family did a lot to help me and get back on my feet, and many times, I threw it right back in their face.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my family very much, but it was the toxicity of my mindset at the time that threw everything out of whack.

My friends were very supportive of me as well, but I was usually the downer of the group whenever we would get together.

When I forgave myself, as mentioned in the last post, another light bulb went off.  All this suffering was completely unnecessary.  Thankfully, with my shift in thinking, I was able to repair those relationships and build them up to greater levels than ever before.

If you’re in a state right now where you’re experiencing a crippling fear of success, remember to forgive yourself for failing to become successful in the past, and up to this point.  Now is the absolute best time to become successful!

-Kevin

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Reclaim Your Power

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008

One of the core issues at the root of fear of success is that when we become successful, we’ll have to face the fact that we could have made the change all along.  This was definitely the situation for me.

When I started to build my business, I suddenly realized that I had the power to do it all along.  It was extremely hard to forgive my myself for that!  I said, “Wait, I could have done this last year, 2 years ago…even 5 to 10 years ago!  What’s my freakin’ problem!”

This went along even further as I thought back to my year in Los Angeles when I was trying to make it as an actor.  I thought of all the things I could have done differently in order to be successful in L.A., given what I know now about attaining success and changing your mindset.

Then I thought about the period of time when I moved back home.  Instead of picking myself up right away and getting on with my life, I got a less-than-fulfilling job and put off starting a business for another 3 years or so while I wallowed in self-loathing pity.

Then it finally dawned on me.  The only way I was going to get past this cycle of self-sabotage, low self esteem, and enormous fear of success was to forgive myself.  That’s right, it wasn’t up to anyone else.  I simply had to forgive myself and embrace the fact that I have the power to be successful now. It’s okay that I didn’t do it before and that I hadn’t attained very much success yet.

I know it kind of sounds a little oversimplified, but that’s really the way it is.  If I didn’t heal myself by forgiving myself, and realize that the forgiveness could only come from within me, I never would have been able to start and grow a business.

Believe me when I say it was a huge relief when I went through this process.  Following forgiveness, I felt like I could leave the past behind and take back the power of my life.

If the above applies to you, begin the healing process now.  Forgive yourself for not achieving much success yet.  Then, you’ll put the fear to rest and be able to charge forward.

-Kevin

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Raising the Bar

Monday, October 13th, 2008

There’s an interesting yet daunting thing that happens when you achieve success. You’ve raised the bar on your level of performance.  You have to swap your old ways of doing things (which probably weren’t working too well) for new habits.

This happened to when I was working as a legal messenger.  Day after day, Monday through Friday, I would get up and go do the same mundane job over and over again, driving legal papers all over town.  I was used to it.  It was the status quo.

Then, when I finally started to make an income online, I had to tend to it more often, and change my old habits.  No longer could I come home and veg out in front of the t.v., wander the internet aimlessly, drink a bottle of bourbon, and then pass out, only to get up the next day and do it all over again.

When that first check arrived from doing online business, that all had to change.  I needed to raise the bar.  I had to come home and do blog posts, build my email list, seek out partners, and so on and so on…

It’s a simple yet profound shift that has to happen inside you.  For me, it was triggered by that first check, that first taste of success…

The point is, don’t be afraid of raising the bar when you achieve success.  Since you’ve now become successful, you should enjoy the fact that you have new responsibilities, which, when taken care of, will keep on building a better future for yourself, your family, friends, etc.

Take action and raise the bar!

-Kevin

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Dealing with New Found Attention

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

If you are a fairly private person or you aren’t used to people giving you much attention, you’ll have to adjust a little bit once you gain some success.  This happens not only because people will be looking to you for advice and leadership, but they will also be watching what you do in order to follow your techniques.  All of a sudden, you’ve become a role model.

A lot of people with a fear of success are afraid of getting this new attention and having to deal with many more people than they come into contact with in their current situation.

The first step in getting over this hurdle is to embrace the love!  Realize that people are paying attention to you because you’ve been doing great things.  That’s something to be extremely proud of.  With your acquired knowledge and skills, you’ll be able to help countless others in their quest for success, and that will be a great feeling.

If you’re shy, get out there and mingle in order to prepare for the attention you’ll receive.  Try taking a class, attending a seminar in your field, or even going to a singles event.  Anything that will get you around other people so you can get used to it.

Don’t let a fear of people block your path to success.  Often, those people will hoist you to even greater heights!

-Kevin

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Change is Scary

Saturday, October 11th, 2008

One of the reasons people fear success is that change can be a scary thing.  With success comes a change in the way you see yourself, in the way others see you, as well as changes in your financial situation, social status, and lifestyle.

It’s much easier to keep doing the same things over and over again, rather than to venture into the unkown world of exciting new possibilites.  It can be very tough to grasp the idea of leaving our comfort zones.

However, we need to realize that change is necessary in order to be successful.  If we’re in a situation where we aren’t leading what we consider to be fulfilling lives, change is the only thing that will get us out of that rut.  Possible things we need to think about changing are our rigid daily routines, old ways of thinking, and same predictable thought patterns.

Here are some ideas for dealing with change in your life and career:

1.  Embrace change and the opportunites that go along with it.  Learn to get excited about the challenges that come when change occurs, and you will grow in your confidence when dealing with them.

2.  Be flexible with with your old ways of thinking and your previous routines.  Come up with new ways of getting things done faster and more effectively, even if they seem outrageous and completely different.  You’ll boost your self esteem when the quality of your work and life increases.

3.  Each day, find one little thing in your daily routine that you can change for the better, then take action and make the change!  Making changes in small increments will lessen the blow and be much easier to handle.

Remember, you don’t want to get left behind in your comfort zone while wonderful and prosperous opportunities pass you by.  Change is not so scary!

-Kevin

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Visualize Your Successful Life

Friday, October 10th, 2008

One of the best ways to move past fear of success into a more fruitful life is to simply visualize it.  You want to train your mind to see your life in a successful way so that you truly believe it as reality.  When you do this, and eliminate the negativity from your mind, the only “reality” you’ll see is a successful one, and it will be impossible for it not to come true.

Here are a few things you can do to help you visualize a successful life:

1.  Writing down your thoughts about your idea of success puts a ton of clarity into what it is that you actually want.  This process takes a bunch of scattered thoughts and puts them on a tangible piece of paper, so you can really take a good look at where you want to be.

2.  See yourself as already successful, and act that way in life right now.  Pay attention to what it feels like inside when you “think” of yourself as a successful person.  It will feel different than anything you’ve ever felt before; a hundred times more positive than you might be feeling right now.  This new feeling will positively affect your actions, and you’ll complete tasks with a higher level of quality, improve your relationships, and not only see, but begin to feel like a successful person.

3.  Bounce your ideas off of people you trust.  Talking about where you want to be and what you want to do will greatly increase your confidence about your ability to get there.

Start to visualize yourself as a successful person right away by using the techniques above.  Once you see yourself in a new light, the improved visual will start to manifest in your reality!

-Kevin

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7 Ways to Boost Self Esteem

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

As promised in the last post, here are 9 ways you can give your self esteem a healthy boost, which will help to propel you past your fear of success:

1.  Don’t compare yourself to others.  There will always be someone who is more talented than you, has more money than you, or is better looking.  If you’re always comparing yourself to other people, you’ll find there are too many to compete with.

2.  Begin to become aware of your negative self-talk.  If you’re always putting yourself down, you’ll never be able to raise your self esteem.  Avoid self-deprecation when thinking or speaking about your career, business, looks, relationships, etc.

3.  Take care of yourself physically.  Often, if we feel badly about ourselves on the inside, we neglect what’s on the outside.  Things you can do to take good care of yourself are, a) eating healthy, including plenty of fruits and vegetables, protein sources such as eggs and fish, and whole grains,  b) getting plenty of exercise, and c) going to the doctor for regular check-ups.

4.  Spend time with positive, successful people.  Their optimism and encouragement will rub off on you and raise your spirits instantly.

5.  Write down things you’ve accomplished in the past.  They don’t have to be huge monumental events.  Possibilites include awards you’ve won, a job you got, learning to drive, graduating high school and/or college, buying a house, starting a business, talking someone through a difficult situation, raising children, overcoming an illness, learning to play an instrument, and losing weight.

6.  Live your life for yourself.  Leading a life that others have decided for you will never build up respect for yourself.  Be true to yourself by making decisions based on what you feel is right, not what you think will please you friends or family members.

7.  Take action right now!  You’ll feel great and raise self esteem when you jump into a challenge.  Failing to take action, due to fear of success or other phobias, will lead to anxiety and frustration, which only serves to lower self esteem.

I really hope this list helps.

Until next time,

-Kevin

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Three Techniques to Start With

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

Yesterday, I started off by explaining the basic concepts behind fear of success, as well as the negative thoughts and behavior patterns it leads to.

So, what can we do to curb the phobia?  There a few techniques you can put into practice immediately in order to break the negative cycles and build more confidence:

1.  Compliment the successes of others.  Acknowledging the accomplishments of those around you will not only build up their sense of worth, but it’ll get your mindset focused on success as well.

2.  Say, “Thank you” when someone compliments you.  You’ll soon notice that these compliments will begin to positively affect the way you see yourself, instead of relying on false and imagined negative scenarios.

3.  When you find yourself in a situation where you’re surrounded by people (or even with just one person) who aren’t experiencing their desired levels of success in their lives, don’t fall into the trap of shrinking to a lower level so that they won’t feel insecure.  Know that you were born to achieve everything you want in life, and when you exude this kind of attitude, you’ll show others that they were born to do the same.

-Kevin

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Crush Your Fear of Success!

Monday, October 6th, 2008

Welcome to CrushFearOfSuccess.com.  My name is Kevin, and until recently, I was plagued with a gigantic fear of success.  With this blog, I’ll be sharing methods and techniques for overcoming this often-overlooked phobia.

I know, I know, I can already hear it.  “Fear of success? What’s that?  Shouldn’t you be talking about fear of failure?”

It’s different than fear of failure.  That’s right – a lot of us out there are actually afraid to achieve the things we want in our careers, relationships, and life in general.

The thing that’s going through our minds is, “When I become successful, what else in my life is going to change?”  Then, negative thoughts start creeping in.  Thoughts like:

“I don’t deserve to be successful.”

“If I do achieve success, I won’t be able to hold on to it.”

“My relationships with friends and family will be damaged.  I’ll be on such a different level then them, so I won’t be able to be around them.  They’ll probably even resent me for achieving success.”

These negative thoughts then lead to negative actions, like doing the wrong thing even when you know what’s right, in order to avoid the “hassle of success,” minimizing the importance of your accomplishments, and even feeling guilty when you attain success, leading to a loss of interest and drive in doing anything at all.

So, if the above describes you, I’m really glad you came to this blog.  I know you’ll get a lot out of it.

Tomorrow, I’ll give you some techniques you can implement right away so you can be on the road to crushing that pesky fear of success, and start building the life of abundance and prosperity you’ve only dreamed of before!

-Kevin Love

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